Fun fact:  We have crossed the international date line already (we are now a full day ahead of the US) and will cross longitude line 180 right before we get into Fiji.  At that point we will have theoretically gone as far west as we can go, and we will change over to going east!  Meaning, our longitude will no longer be increasing to the west (i.e. 176 degrees west, 177 degrees west) but will start decreasing from the east (i.e. 176 degrees east, 175 degrees east) until we got to Greenwich – if we were going that far.

Vava’u is beautiful.  We arrived fairly late in the day, dropping anchor in the lingering moments after sunset in a small cove just shy of the main port of Neiafu.  I woke up the next morning and instantly fell in love with Vava’u – birds singing and chirping, clear blue water, and lush green tropical islands.  Strangely, though, what I liked most about the whole area is that it didn’t feel at all like we were out in the ocean.  To me, the small part of Vava’u that we’ve seen reminds me more of being on a lake up in the mountains.  I can’t explain that odd feeling except to say maybe it has to do with the fact that, for the first time since leaving San Francisco, we cannot see the open ocean and, for the first time since leaving San Francisco, I look around and we appear to be land-locked.

I just now realized that.

We cannot see the endless, open ocean.

For the first time in a very.long.time.

And it’s really kind of nice.

I’m such a mountain girl.

Anyway, Neiafu is a pretty little town and has much more of a community feeling to it than any of the other villages we’ve visited in the south pacific.  (Cruisers: see my notes below the pics.)  Granted, the community we are seeing is not exactly true Tongan as the water front is stocked with palangae’s, i.e. foreigners.  Most of the business owners here are Australian, New Zealand, British, American.  It’s only when you get away from Neiafu to the other islands or the inner villages that you get a glimpse of “real” Tongan life.  So, although we’ve spent a week in Neiafu, I hold no perceptions (??) at all that we have actually experienced what Tonga is really like.

But, I have to say that it has been interesting talking to some of the business owners here about their lives in Tonga and it has been wonderful being in a town with so many cafes!!!  The restaurant that owns the mooring we picked up is called The Aquarium Cafe and it has a great dining balcony, reasonably priced food, the friendliest staff anywhere on the waterfront, kind owners who will stop and chat you up, and free wireless internet. Thus, it has served as our “base” this last week.  No matter where else in town we wander or hang out, we always ended up back at the Aquarium where the staff and owners greeted us with knowing smiles.  We didn’t even have a place like this back in San Francisco!!  It’s been… comforting to have somewhere to go where we can just order a coke and hang out all day, reading our books or checking email.  We’ve also enjoyed time at The Crow’s Nest Cafe, which Matt says has the best coffee in town.  We had showers at the Giggling Whale & Thirsty Turtle and chowed down on the best burgers at The Sunset Grill.  YUM.  And, New Zealand ice cream – WOW.  We haven’t had any really good ice cream since leaving the states.  Mexico was ok, but the south pacific has been disappointing.  Then again, it’s not like ice cream is part of the native diet.  But, NZ does it RIGHT as we’ve learned here in Tonga, where most of their food products come from Oz or NZ.

And what *I’ve* learned is that long passages, like the one we had from Huahine to Tonga, are hazardous to my health. When we finally arrive in a place like Neiafu, we – I – feel all too justified in gorging ourselves on “fresh” foods – which means anything that doesn’t come out of a can and isn’t cooked by one of us.  Oh, the calories I have consumed this week!!  And now we’re getting ready to head to Fiji and are already dreaming of the delicious Indo-Fijian curries awaiting us.  Oy. I need to control myself.

Sadly, our time in Tonga is going to have been spent almost entirely in Neiafu.  I say “sadly” because as much as I like hanging out here, Vava’u is a “cruiser’s paradise” because there are dozens of other little niche anchorages on the other 40+ islands with all kinds of caves to check out and awesome snorkeling and diving sites. The exhaust manifold on our engine sheared off on our way from Bev. Reef and the guys managed to rig it together enough to get us to Tonga.  But, it came apart again while we were here and that resulted in a few more problems.  So, the guys have spent a very frustrating week stuck in the engine room for hours on end.  With our friends flying into Fiji in just a few weeks, we have to get it fixed and get going.  The guys think they’ve finally got it all figured out and the engine is slowly getting put back together but it means that we are just about of time to explore the other islands.

I guess it means we will just have to come back here again in a few years and charter a boat  

Vava’u, really, is a place you shouldn’t miss.  (And, for non-cruisers, seriously – skip Fr. Polynesia and pay a little bit extra to fly here.  It’s cheaper than Fr. Poly and, I think, more beautiful!  Of course, if you’re not into diving/snorkeling, it might be a little boring, but then again, a good vacation can also be spending the afternoon in a hammock with a book or taking weaving lessons from the locals, right?)

Here are a few pictures from Neiafu.

our anchorage the first night

most of the islands are undercut limestone

the dinghy dock at The Aquarium

The Aquarium Cafe

at The Aquarium - I'm gonna miss this place!

Cruiser’s Notes:
Getting into Neiafu is very easy.  There are lead lines/lights on the hillside that you can line up for entry to avoid any submerged reefs and guide you into the harbor.  The lights are very bright red at night and coming in at night would be ok except 3/4 of the boats in the mooring field wouldn’t have anchor lights on and it would be pretty hard to see.  There are several anchorages on the way into Neiafu, so if you arrive just before dark, you could spend the night in one of those instead of heaving to outside.  Also, the northwest side of Vava’u, the largest main island, has a relatively shallow shore that you could anchor along (20-40ft) and in S/E winds, you would be well protected.  Make sure that you arrive in Neiafu on a weekday! If you arrive during the weekend, you could end up spending the whole time on the Q dock or run the risk of incurring various fees from customs/immigration, including $20 (tongan) for the officials’ overtime.  There is currently no schedule of fees and while we were here, boats experienced numerous discrepancies with fees.  Some had wine confiscated for no reason, others were charged $50T for departing on a Saturday and then later told to be glad it wasn’t $100T.  We were charged no departure fees.  Immigration is free if you arrive on a weekday, but we checked in on a Saturday and were charged $20T per passport plus $20T for overtime.  Someone else told us that Customs or the Harbor Master charges $7T when you leave the harbor, but he didn’t charge us anything.  So, get a receipt for EVERYTHING that you pay for.  We heard from the local business owners/tourism officials that if you feel like it isn’t right or that other boats experienced something different, you can go to the police or back to immigrations/custom and get a refund – but only if you have proof of payment first.  Other than those issues, checking in/out was a fairly informal, easy, quick process, but be prepared for the officials to take their time and if customs tells you to return the next day for immigration, don’t be surprised if immigration tracks you down at dinner later that night… (yeah, that happened to us. Oops.)

After a loooongg nine-days of sailing, we finally spotted the white spray of breaking waves far off in the distance.  This was our first glimpse of Beveridge Reef, a partially submerged coral reef in the middle of the ocean. As we got closer, Matt pointed out the lagoon, a flat shimmering line just beyond the horizon.  We could see a flash of silver as sunlight reflected off a wreck located on the eastern edge of the reef.  We were only a few miles from the pass when I turned my head just in time to see a humpback whale breach far out in front of us and then I suddenly started to see spouts everywhere!  There was a group of whales up ahead of us and we were treated to a (distant) show of huge flukes and flippers.  There were a few spouts much closer to us and every once in a while we’d catch a glimpse of a black shiny back as the whales slowly moved west.  These were the first whales we have seen on the entire sailing trip so I was quite excited!!

The pass was quick and simple, but we had done our research – it could be all too easy to end up on the reef if you didn’t know exactly where you were going (see my navigation notes below).  We anchored just to the southwest of the pass inside the lagoon.  There is a white sand shelf that runs all around the inside of the reef and we dropped the hook in 10 feet!  The max depth of the shelf appeared to be about 12-13 feet before it dropped off swiftly to 30.  At one point, Matt commented that if, for some reason, we dragged anchor, we could probably float all across the lagoon and would catch ourselves on the far shelf before hitting the reef.  I laughed and said, well if we drag anchor off the shelf, we’ll just have a 3:1 scope instead of a 10:1!  But the holding on the shelf is excellent.  The only place we encountered potentially dangerous (aka shallow) coral heads was at the north side of the reef and even then, we easily found a large patch of sand where we could anchor and swing around without hitting anything.

We were the only boat in the lagoon (!) so we had our choice of anchorages. The first anchorage we stayed at, just to the southwest of the pass, was nice and the best part was that I could sit on the foredeck and watch some whales frolicking just on the other side of the reef!  The snorkeling there wasn’t all the awesome though.  We went closer to the reef and there was some interesting stuff, but overall I was disappointed.  There was very little live coral but it was fun to play with the fish.  Jon had taken the dinghy over to the south side of the pass to see whether it would be good to dive/snorkel there.  He said the current was pretty strong but it could be a good place to explore.  So the three of us went out there the next afternoon, Jon with his dive gear and us with our snorkels, and it was pretty sweet.  The pass is full of underwater canyons and this was the first time Matt and I had seen this kind of geography, so we were quite impressed!  There were hundreds of fish, but not much variety.  We saw lots of 2.5 ft long parrot fish and schools of large silvery fish. There were a few sharks wandering around too.  The current was really strong and I’m not exactly the best swimmer – even with my fins! – so I hung onto a dinghy line and just floated around.  Not moving that much, though, I ended up surrounded by dozens of fish that were hanging out just below the surface.  I would turn slowly and be face to face with a fish!  Matt was videotaping the scene and Jon as he dove and we spent a good hour out there not going more than 20ft from the dinghy.

The second place we anchored was on the eastern side of the reef next to the wreck (a 35ft fishing boat).  We went and explored that but the swell coming over the reef and the shallow depth in that area made it impossible to snorkel or drive around with the dinghy.  We tried snorkeling around our boat the next day but the area was mostly sand and the only interesting thing we saw was a sting ray.  Plus, we were exhausted within minutes trying to battle the swell.

After one night there, we decided to take the boat to the north western side of the reef just for the day to check out the north side of the pass.  The lagoon is only about 3 miles east-west, so moving around isn’t a big deal.  We anchored again in 9 feet of water, coming close to running aground at one point as the depth meter read only 7 feet!! Our draft is 6.5!  We turned around and went back to the “deeper” area and it was quite strange to feel comfortable with less than 5 feet under the keel!

We dinghied out to the northern side of the pass and were trying to find a place to anchor the dinghy.  The second time I stuck my face in the water to look around, I found myself surrounded by flashing fish and sharks! I signalled to Matt and came up, eyes wide, saying “Wow! That is awesome! Wow! That is awesome!”  We threw out the dinghy anchor and hopped in.  We were in a narrow canyon-like area and there were at least two dozen sharks and thousands of fish hanging out in the current.  We stayed around there for about an hour, watching the sharks and chasing the massive schools of fish.  It really is incredible how they all turn and group and move at the same time.  Their innate choreography is amazing.  How do they know?!?!  Even though there were more sharks in this water than anyplace we’ve been before, I told myself they weren’t interested in me and I actually let go of the dinghy line and ventured farther out.  The current was so strong though, that I eventually went back just to rest!  After we got “bored,” we decided to drift through the pass.  We retrieved the dinghy anchor and then headed further into the lagoon just to the edge of the pass.  We then held onto the dinghy and let the current push us.  This ended up being rather unexciting.  We saw more fish/sharks/cool geography in the other two areas than we did going across the whole pass! It’s like the current pushed us through the least interesting path.  By that time, Jon had run out of air in his scuba tank and we were all cold, so we went back to the boat and headed across the lagoon again to anchor on the north side of the reef.

As we headed over, we saw a pod of dolphins crossing the lagoon.  It was a bit tricky coming in because there were a significant amount of coral heads, indicated by dark shadowy spots on the water.  Most, if not all of them, were easily more than 10 feet below the surface but when the water is so clear, one’s depth perception is seriously thrown off.  We carefully motored onto the sand shelf and again set the anchor in 10 feet of perfect sandy bottom.  For snorkeling purposes, this was the best place we went to.  Easily the most spectacular coral we’ve seen on the entire trip!!!  We took the dinghy out a little bit closer to the reef and checked out some of the larger coral heads.  We found a large coral garden and it was amazing.  I can’t get over how pretty the coral can be.  The colors, the variety… This one, too, had a greater variety of fish than we had seen around the other anchorages and there were moray eels hanging out in their dark little holes along the outer ridges.  Most of the coral there was too shallow for us to snorkel over it, but there were a few narrow paths into the garden and we snuck in and thoroughly enjoyed pretending to be fish    We went fairly early in the day and it was so pretty to see the sunlight reflecting on the coral.  It made the colors shimmer like a rainbow.  I’ve never seen anything like it!!

We were fortunate to have relatively good weather for the four days we were there and we also happened to have a full moon, which just made the whole scene that much more awesome at night.  To wake up at 2am, go on deck and see nothing but ocean for miles under brilliant moonlight and know that we are safely anchored in 10 feet?!!?!   Yeah. 

We knew we had to get a move on, though, and we had seen just about everything there was to see (uh huh!), so on the 5th day, we took some cool underwater video of the boat and then packed up and headed for Tonga.  Matt should be posting the videos from Bev Reef one of these days….

This shows the shallow sand shelf around the edge of the reef and the deeper blue is the steep drop-off to 30ft+

Matt snorkeling on the edge

another view from the spreaders

anchored in the middle of the ocean

_____________________________________________________________________

***Navigation Notes  (waypoints are in degrees decimal minutes)

Arriving from the east, we kept this waypoint to port as we sailed around the north part of the reef:
19.57.008 S, 167.46.006 W

We turned left into the pass at waypoint: 19.57.394 S, 167.47.433 W   (sorry, I don’t have our heading!)

We anchored at the following waypoints (in less than 15 feet and as little as 9 feet):
20.00.74 S, 167.46.67 W  (in the lagoon, just south of the pass)
20.00.013 S, 167.44.64 W  (on the eastern side of the lagoon, near the wreck)
19.59.507 S, 167.46.137 W  (on the western side of the lagoon, north of the pass; we anchored here just for a few hours, but the holding was fine – all sand – and would be good in westerly winds although I don’t remember whether we were so close to the pass as to have that portion of the reef be a potential issue)
19.58.921 S, 167.44.617 W  (north end of the lagoon, more coral heads to watch out for but best snorkeling!)

We had consistent winds while we were there, but varying from NE/E/SE.  Swell was minimal, but it did seem to sneak over the reef a little bit, particularly on the eastern side.

**Matt and I have used Google Earth a lot over the last couple of years to check out places to camp so it was no surprise that we have been using it to virtually explore islands before we sailed to them.  In fact, Matt came across a program that allowed him to impose our navigation charts over a google earth image.  This has come in handy to check how accurate our charts are and to “see” where we can anchor, any obstacles to watch out for, etc.  Well, when we were in Huahine and researching Beveridge Reef, we checked Google Earth and to our shock, Google Earth did not have images of the reef.  Yeah – it’s that remote and bizarre.

Huahine (pronounced who-ah-heenie) is one of the lesser known “leeward” islands of FP, but it is no less beautiful.  We anchored in the little bay at Fare, the main town.  The water was quite clear and the town front very inviting.  There is a bar/restaurant right at the water’s edge near the dinghy dock, a surprisingly large grocery store, two “roulettes” on the wharf serving burgers and baguettes, an open area for locals to sell their fresh-caught goods, outdoor public showers, a small cafe and hostel, and several gift shops just on the main street.  We didn’t explore too much beyond that as it rained most of the time we were there.

The one thing we were disappointed with was the snorkeling.  Matt, Jon and I all went out and wandered around various areas in the bay and we never did find a great snorkeling spot.  Several other boats were anchored farther south along the island and may have had better luck.  Ideally, had we had more time, we also would have hopped anchorages, but we needed to be moving west.

Huahine is beautiful and I would highly recommend it for those looking to get away from the more touristy islands of Tahiti, Moorea and Bora Bora.  I don’t know what the hotel situation is like there, but if you want to “get off the beaten path” of the traditional hotspots, Huahine would be a good option!

Sadly, this is one of the few photos we have of this lovely island.  It seems the farther west we go, the fewer pictures we take.  I’m going to try and remedy that!

We are one of the lucky boats that has refrigeration.  Actually, I guess I should say that we are one of the lucky boats that has MATT who painstakingly renovated the icebox and built a refrigeration system for us last year.  When installing an icebox, the question comes up of whether you should install a drain for all those things that might leak or defrost, etc.  One train of thought says – Yes! install the drain and let it all drain into the bilge.  The other side says, no! Draining all that stuff into the bilge will make the bilge stink and you’ll never be able to get rid of the smell; it’s just easier to occasionally clean out the fridge…

I’m sure it’s infinitely more complicated than that, but that’s the extent of my understanding as to why we opted to not install a drain.

It probably wouldn’t be too much of an issue except that we have this thing going on with our evaporator plate that causes it to build up too much ice on one side (please no comments or advice), which then confuses the whole system and suddenly the temperature starts to go up and yada yada yada…  moral of the story being that we occasionally have to turn off our fridge to allow the evaporator plate to defrost.

Which means lots of jenky nasty water mulling around in the bottom of our icebox.

It’s really fun when you pick up a can of beer and not only is it dripping wet, but the water trickling down from it is a funky grayish yellow because that leftover bit of curry spilled as you were setting the tupperware down on top of the two huge ice-tea containers.

Yeah.

Gross.

So, while we were in Tahiti, before we provisioned for the next half of our trip, I cleaned the icebox….

and, so, I thought you’d like to see pictures of the less glamorous side of this life.

the mess I made from pulling everything out of the fridge

the mess I made from provisioning after the fridge was done

Thanks for all the good wishes – we are alive and well!  Additional posts coming soon.

love, Karen

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but we are going to be doing ANOTHER LONG PASSAGE.  What is the deal?!?!  Most people who do this cruising thing try to keep the long passages to the minimum.  But, not us! Oh no, we like to just GO.  We have barely been sailing for 6 months and we have done a 9 day passage, a 25 day passage, a 5 day passage and now we are on the verge of a 10-15 day passage (if we’re lucky).   We knew that we left on the crossing a little later than most, and we knew we were front-loading our time here in Fr. Polynesia, and when we told some friends to meet us in Fiji in mid-September, it seemed totally reasonable… but  now I’m looking at the calendar and, 1700 miles in a month?!?!!?!  What were we thinking?!?!?!?!  and yes, yes, yes, we know that we’re going to be missing out on some things along the way.  But all those people who are ahead of us? They missed out on stuff HERE, so ha.

Whatever.  It is what it is.

So, our tentative plans are to leave Huahine tomorrow, as long as the weather looks ok, with the ultimate destination being Tonga.  If things work out, we would like to maybe stop and say hello to the folks on Palmerston Atoll and/or camp out in the middle of the ocean on the particularly cool Beveridge Reef. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ll see some humpback whales along the way.  Apparently they migrate to Niue and Tonga between July and October and, um, snorkeling with a giant whale would be pretty sweet. Of course, we never see any wildlife while we’re sailing, so I’m not getting my hopes up, but you can include the whale sightings in your prayers for us

And please do pray for us if you are the praying sort.  The weather in the southern latitudes can get a little dicey sometimes and these last few months, there’s been front after front after front moving through, which just means lots of wind, lots of rain, and sometimes unpredictable wind shifts that can wreak havoc on your rig.  But, we’ll be fine, I’m sure, though we do appreciate – and need! – all the good thoughts and prayers

Much to our parents’ dismay, we probably will not be in contact with the world again until we reach either Niue (if we stop there) or Tonga.  So, depending on wind and weather and what stops we make, it could be anywhere from 15 – 25 days, I guess, before we are back online.

Oy.

I think I’m probably the one must disappointed by that.

So, once again, we’ll see all of you on the flip side!

Love, Karen

We broke down and got a Kindle.

Our moms brought out the Kindle last week and since we got it working, I think we’ve spent a few hundred dollars on kindle books. Ok , maybe only a hundred dollars so far, but I’m trying to decide whether this was such a good “gift” for ourselves…

So, now we have the Kindle and one nice thing is that just about all books published before 1923 are in the public domain and are free! You can download them from Amazon and *poof* start reading the classics in less than a minute. But who wants to read a boring free book written in the 1800′s when we can pay $10 and read something modern and exciting?? and pay another $10 and another and another… Ok, ok, I know I’m going to appreciate being able to read better books on our next couple of passages, but, wow, are we spending a lot of money on books!!!

The downside of reading while cruising is that the only books most people are generally willing to give away/share are the bad ones. So while there are always lots of books to go around, very few of them are really worthwhile. Every once in a while you come across people like us who are so desperate for SOMETHING to read that we will give you all our good books and our first born child in exchange for some decent reading material. The great thing about “hard” books is that you CAN give them away. You can trade them with others, donate them to a library or school, or leave them at a yacht club, confident that someone somewhere down the line is going to be grateful to see them. So, when you spend $14.99 on that book at Barnes and Noble, you know you’ll get a little mileage out of it. Not the same for the Kindle books.

But, something that the Kindle does offer that normal books can’t is that it’s less than an inch thick!! On boats, space is at a premium and most people simply can’t devote several shelves or cabinets to books like we do. We have two “long” shelves jam-packed with books, 2 rows deep (fiction stuff & non-fiction boat books). We also have two smaller shelves at the nav station housing some books, a bin for books “to give away” and both Jon and I have additional shelves in our respective berths where we keep a handful of books that can’t fit in any of those other places. It’s a bit excessive.

Right now, our Kindle holds over THIRTY books and can live inside the nav table, inside our camera bag, between our sugar and flour canisters, or underneath my pillow. It really is the answer for cruising-readers with limited space. BUT – if you’re BOTH readers, well… for us, there’s only one Kindle… and it has almost all the “good” books. So, unless you want to schedule Kindle time, you may just have to get two or three, or one for every member of your reading crew. We’re not at that point {YET} but that’s mainly because I thought ahead and had my mom order *me* several other HARD books at the same time that she got us the Kindle. I know. I’m brilliant. Actually, I just know my husband.

One other thing for cruisers to keep in mind is that the Kindle isn’t waterproof!!   Salt water isn’t particularly good for regular books, but when your whole library is on a little techie gadget, you’ll want to be extra careful while reading on watch

I do have to say, though, that it is sooooo awesome to have access to good books again!! But, like I said above, it could be way too easy to hit the download button a jillion times and take a hefty chunk out of the cruising kitty before you know it.

My suggestions for future cruiser-readers?

* Buy yourself(selves) Kindles/Nooks and then share your “wish list” of books with friends and family so they can wish you a true “bon voyage”

* If you like to read, make sure you include “buying books” in your cruising budget!

They say that reading is the most popular activity among cruisers and for good reason – it’s an excellent way to pass the time at anchor or underway, can educate or entertain, and can be very relaxing. BUT – be forewarned. If you don’t plan a little, you could go broke out here looking at the thousands of miles of ocean to be crossed and how many hours you’ll want to spend with a good book in hand!

Growing up, “family” really just meant my mom, my dad, my brother and me. Obviously, we had aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents, but when someone asked about my “family,” I had only the four of us in mind. But, I envied those kids who were close with their “extended family;” the ones who had annual reunions or cousins sleepovers, who spent summers with their grandparents. I was not one of those kids. I knew my extended family and we saw them on occasion, but due to various circumstances, they really weren’t a big part of my life.

As I got older and my own relationships and friendships became stronger and more complicated, I came to include friends (my own and some of my parents’ friends) and their families in my definition of “family.” The Perezs, the Arreolas, the Benders, the Prewitts, the Roberts, the Rushes, the Easlings, the Powers, the Gees, the Eisenbises, the Browns, the Mantooths, and so many others endeared themselves to my heart. After a time, I no longer felt that I was “missing out” on those big family get-togethers, etc. Bloodlines didn’t matter – I knew I was surrounded by people who loved me just as I was. (Over the years, my brother and I have been disproportionately blessed with amazing friends!)

However, when we were in high school, certain girlfriends and I would daydream of marrying into one of “those” big wild families – lots of rambunctious kids running around, cousins reminiscing about their crazy antics of the past and planning future ones, each generation sharing common bonds and laughter, and passing their memories onto the next.

When I met Matt, you would never know he came from one of “those” families. Matt is a loner, like me, to some extent. He’s never felt a strong need to remain in the same state or same hemisphere as his family. He doesn’t always call, doesn’t always write… but when he starts talking about his grandparents, his cousins, his aunts, well, it’s clear that family is more than just a word.

I was introduced to his family slowly, meeting a few over Thanksgiving dinner one year, a few more another Christmas. I didn’t get the full impact until our wedding last October. We were married on the front lawn of Matt’s parents’ house, a beautiful home that his grandparents had lived in previously, and numerous Holmes’ before that. Although the house itself was built in the mid-1800′s, the property has been in the Holmes’ family for almost four hundred years. Sandy’s family also has strong ties to the area and so it was only natural that our wedding served as a sort of mini-family reunion for them.

And in the middle of it all, there was me.

Unlike most couples, our wedding was not an even breakdown of Matt’s family and mine, at least not in the traditional sense. My closest friends were there and my brother and mom. Everyone else was from Matt’s side or our mutual friends. We had a separate event in Bakersfield, my hometown, for my other relatives to attend. Initially, I hadn’t thought this would be a big deal, but when I looked at our invitation list, at how few names I recognized, I felt – briefly – that I had made a mistake in our plans. Is it better to surround yourself with family who sometimes feel like strangers, than strangers who will soon be family? Either way, I had chosen to get married in New Jersey, under the fall leaves, just as I had always dreamed, and now it was too late to turn back.

The week of the wedding was stressful. I’d thought having it on the lawn would make things easier, but it just meant we had to do everything ourselves! So many decorations to make and decisions about what goes where, tents to put up… our “to do” list was overwhelming. And then, the sisters arrived.

Of Sandy’s five sisters, I had only met one and heard rumors of the others. They showed up a few days before the wedding, jumping out of cars, throwing their arms around me, asking “what do you need me to do?” Then cousins came by, introducing themselves with hugs and congratulations. My best friend soon came – thank God – and took charge of everything, creating order out of the chaos. It was crazy, but magical – watching all these men and women running around, working hard to turn the front lawn, the whole event, into my dream come true. I remember falling over myself at one point, trying to thank one of the sisters for everything that they were doing and she stopped and looked at me funny and said, “What do you mean? You’re family!” And just like that, I was.

Because of how we grew up, I think my brother and I are pretty fluid when it comes to “family.” We both seem to love the ebb and flow in our lives as friends come and go, our “families” expand and contract. The best part is that there’s always room for more. And, who your father is or where you came from doesn’t matter nearly as much as whether or not you can make me laugh, make me a cry, and make me a fabulous drink (or cookies!) while you’re at it.

My family grows again this weekend as Matt’s cousin Derek and his fiancee Lauren get married. Lauren has been around the fam for a while, so, unlike I was, she’s fully aware of what she’s gotten herself into! We obviously won’t be there for the wedding, but I look forward to seeing the pictures and hearing all about it!! Congratulations you two!!

Tonight, I think, too, of all my other friends and family, those who have gotten married, some who have had kids, some who have just found out they’re having more, friends who let us stand by them in their adventures and struggles… I feel so blessed with how many people invite us into their lives and let me love them in my own faraway, flawed way. Perhaps I am becoming more sentimental with every nautical mile, but even something as silly as looking at my facebook page reminds me of all the “extended families” I’m part of, too, and as I think of you out here on this great big sea, you all make me feel a little less lonely and a little more at “home.”