Weather Helmed

After posting all those photos of these amazing places, is it really fair for me to say that I’m still not convinced this cruising life is all

it’s cracked up to be?  🙂

I’m constantly aware that what I post on here, for the most part, really only shows one side of this strange life we are living.  I remember how I felt this time last year, sitting at my desk at work, reading blogs of those who had gone before us – browsing through their pictures with envy, jealous that they were lounging in the tropics while I was stuck in an office, beholden to another world.  HA!!  Now I know the other side – that cruising is NOT all fun and games and sipping pina coladas on white sand beaches.

Anyway, here we are, in June!  Already four months since we pulled out of San Francisco Bay.  I think I have adapted, mostly, to our life on the boat, but it still doesn’t feel like home to me.  I think, what I’ve learned, is that I don’t really like sailing.  If I have to be on a boat, I would much prefer being at anchor!  I think most cruisers – well, women at least – feel this way, especially since we’ve found numerous couples where the woman doesn’t even know how to sail!   Sailing is hard work; it’s not relaxing; it’s not comfortable; it’s not particularly fun. And sailing here in the south pacific is definitely not what we had thought it would be as far as weather and wind is concerned.  I can see now why most cruisers avoid long passages if at all possible, and really make a point of stopping at just about every anchorage along a coastline.  I don’t like constantly trimming sails or taking down and putting up sails because of fluky winds or having to regularly monitor the self-steering devices to make sure they’re keeping us on the right track.  I don’t like the stress of sailing at dark or of trying to time arrivals for daylight, and I really don’t like the stress of anchoring – trying to deal with the various difficulties our windlass presents.  I still don’t like trying to walk around the boat while it is pitching me back and forth and I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to the bombardment of waves against the hull while I’m trying to sleep.

Sailing is frustrating and it’s exhausting. And when you’re ALWAYS sailing or at least living on a sailboat while it’s wandering around, well, let’s just say that this “cruising” lifestyle, just like everything else in life, definitely has its pros and cons.  For example – even though you may be reading this while just in a little house in a not-so-exotic town instead of lying in the sun (or, in my case under gray, rainy overcast skies) on the foredeck of a sailboat, I’ll bet that when your husband has to fix something, he doesn’t dump all 15 bins and boxes of tools (i.e. every tool he owns) on the couches in your living room………….. which is why I’m up here on the foredeck instead of relaxing down below. 🙂

That said, I think I’m finally adjusting (mostly) to this crazy funhouse we live in.  Now that we are visiting beautiful places and spending more time at anchor than underway, life has improved significantly.  However, I am still not a boat person.

“Boat People,” as Matt and I call them, are those who genuinely enjoy living and cruising on a boat.  They understand that things will go wrong and be difficult, but when that happens, they don’t feel like the universe is conspiring against them.  They don’t feel like the universe has decided, “today, this week, we are going to sh*t  on that boat and make them miserable.”  No, Boat People may get upset and annoyed that another something has yet broken again, but they see it as simply coming with the territory, the same way most people feel when their car breaks down or they have to replace the tires, etc.

When I thought about it recently, I realized that a pretty good analogy can be made with driving/roadtripping.  There are people out there (like, in our other life, Matt and me) who absolutely LOVE driving.  We love going on long roadtrips, don’t mind sitting in the car for hours or days on end… even if it gets uncomfortable or tiring or our legs keep falling asleep or we get headaches from watching the scenery fly by.  But, there are others who really hate driving and especially hate long drives.  They hate sitting for so long, maybe they get nauseous or bored, but, they drive because they have to, because driving gets them where they want/need to go.  That’s sort of what sailing is like for me, I’ve found.  It is a means to an end and, as of yet, the end has not quite justified the means. 🙂  Sailing is something I am currently enduring instead of enjoying.  So, no, I’m not a Boat Person, and I probably never will be.

BUT – I am becoming an “anchorage person.”  As shown, the anchorages we’ve recently visited have been incredible and I have really loved being there.  At anchor, too, I am more inclined to be creative and try new recipes (corn and flour tortillas from scratch!), make progress on my “things to learn” list, and try other new things like snorkeling with manta rays 🙂  At anchor I can truly relax and spend time doing some much needed deep thinking and spiritual reflection and simply find happiness and contentment in the moment  (things that are very difficult for me to do now, when we’re underway.  I honestly don’t know how I ever managed those 25 days on the crossing!).  I have read several quotes these last few weeks reminding me that where I am right now is right where I SHOULD be, right where God wants me.  But, sometimes, living on a sailboat is not really where *I* want to be, despite not working at a job and getting to hang out in some beautiful places.

Sometimes, I want a house. I want a window overlooking a neighborhood where people are walking dogs and riding bikes.  I want a back yard with trees and mountains.  I want a real kitchen.  With a dishwasher.  I want a comfy couch and a big bed and a car so I can go where I want to go when I want to go there. I want a bathtub.  And a shower. And a place where I can keep all my stuff without Matt constantly asking me whether or not my things can, instead, go in a bin.  Sometimes, I want a phone.  And a regular reliable internet connection. And a way to watch TV 🙂  And a nearby coffee shop.  And a bookstore.  And a movie theater.  And good indian/chinese/italian/mexican/deli restaurant.  And regular access to all foods green and crunchy.

Some might call this understandable, some might call it evidence of a biological clock ticking loudly in the background, some might call it crazy that I would give up this “adventure” for the drudgeries of a “normal” life.

I am trying to remember all those quotes though – “Bloom where you’re planted,” “God has you exactly where He wants you,” etc., and in the quiet moments, I *KNOW* I still *NEED* this time “alone” to recover and reflect on the events that have taken a toll on my soul over this last decade.  I know that the time I spend out here will make me a better person, a better mother, a better partner, a better worker, a better friend, if for no other reason than I am learning to appreciate all of those comforts and relationships back home and want never again to take them for granted!

So, do I like sailing?  NO
Am I happier now than I was four/three/two months ago?  YES
Am I looking forward to the next six months of cruising?  Um….  passages, NO, anchorages YES  🙂

Can I say I’m thrilled to be out here?  Well, not entirely, but each day I am learning more and more to appreciate this opportunity we have and am trying to enjoy it and find happiness however and wherever I can… which is about all I think any of us can do.

And, finally, a quick word to say THANK YOU to everyone who has been following our journey so far, praying for us and thinking of us and leaving comments on our blogs showing your support and encouragement.  It sounds strange to say that this kind of lifestyle needs encouragement, but you have NO IDEA how much we love checking our blogs and reading that people are enjoying our stories and our pictures and are feeling inspired to follow their own dreams (or perhaps glad that they’ve pursued others…)   🙂  So, thank you thank you for continuing to share in this crazy life of ours and letting us know you are out there and you are keeping tabs on where we are.

We are departing Fakarava soon – and thus the online world – and will be heading into another couple of weeks where we will be incommunicado.  I have posted half a dozen blogs below and Matt has as well, so hopefully those will keep you entertained until we can pick up again when we get to Tahiti.

And, to all the dads out there – HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!!!  and to my own Father-in-Law, thank you very much for the role you (and Sandy too!) have played in Matt’s life – he makes the very best husband 🙂

Love, Karen