Weather Helmed

Among the thousands of things I have to be thankful for, the one that is standing out a bit more right now is – CHANGE.  Of course, most of the time, I only like change when there is a “guaranteed” benefit for me, but I would also say that, in general, I just like it when things get stirred up.  When I lived in places bigger than a shoebox, I would move my furniture around every couple of months.  My bedroom was regularly turned topsy-turvy as I pushed and pulled to get each piece just a few feet from where it had previously been.  When I lived with my parents, my dad would get especially frustrated when he woke up in the middle of the night to find me quietly shoving my dresser across the room, all the drawers stacked on my bed, non-apologetically explaining that I didn’t need his help, I could do it myself, no – I don’t want to wait until tomorrow.  You don’t know how much it bothers me that I have NO options for rearranging stuff in our little studio.  (Ok, there was that time I re-organized our silverware/tupperware drawers.)

Even if change is not necessarily positive (or negative) sometimes I crave it.

For this last year, our lives have been so focused, so routine.  Get up at the same time, take the same route to work, work (the same sh*t, different day), take the same route home, do more work/work on the boat/waste time staring aimlessly at the computer, go to bed, get up and do it all over again.  I know it’s basically what everyone else does, but the repetitiveness has really started to wear on me.  If anything were to make me ask – Is this all there is?!?!!? – in some ways, 2009 would be it.

I am so thankful that, one way or another, our lives are in for a major change in these next few weeks.  I need new challenges, new struggles, new highs, new lows.  I remember once reading that the opposite of love is not hate but apathy, the lack of passion, the loss of interest.  And I’ve certainly lost all passion for this current life.  We have been in a holding pattern for so long and I’m looking forward to finally moving on to something different.  I desperately hope and pray that the changes are all positive, but I know that life is full of the unexpected and we just have to be open to whatever comes our way.  I am grateful for so much, for the people in my life, the love I experience everyday, the tangible and intangible gifts bestowed upon me by generous, kind people – most I know and some I don’t…   And I am grateful and ecstatic for this crazy life we have, where big dreams can become reality (I hope!) and where leaps of faith can bring bold new changes to our worlds.  And I am thankful for change itself – the changes we are capable of making, the changes that simply occur all on their own (hello winter!), the changes that are sometimes forced upon us…

I am looking forward to December, where the pages of this chapter of our life will undoubtedly swiftly fly by, ending with intimidation and wonder, and we’ll be left anticipating what will happen next? and not quite know the answer  🙂

Happy Belated Thanksgiving and *here’s to 2010!!